Realization
by sangre antigua
Summary: Riku's in love with Sora; Sora's been ignoring Riku for some reason unknown to him. Why is Sora so distant? What does Kairi have that Riku doesn't? Both boys need to realize that things are uneasy. Riku/Sora
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** TR4G1C.

**Rating; Title; Pairing:** R; Realization; Riku/Sora.

**Summary:** Riku's in love with Sora; Sora's been ignoring Riku for some reason unknown to him. Why is Sora so distant? What does Kairi have that Riku doesn't? Both boys need to realize that things are uneasy. Riku/Sora

**Warning/Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Sora or Riku in any way, although the plot is mine, as well as the later, possible made up characters. I tend to ramble and change things up a bit, but stick with me. And, the R rating is for later chapters.  
By the way, I edit as I go. I usually don't catch all of my errors on Microsoft Word.

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**Riku's Point of View**

I've known Sora since we were both little.

Our parents were friends since their youth and just-so happened to live down the street from each other, so they figured that it would be neat if their sons became great friends, like they had. We hit it off right away over the same coloring book, over the same picture actually, and since then we had always been best of friends. Through Sora's first crush on a girl when we were eight (Kairi, the new girl at school with reddish hair and an over zealous giggle that even then pissed me off to no end, though, now, I had _somewhat _adjusted to it), to my first failing grade at the age of eleven (though Sora told me that "a C wasn't failing, it was average"; it felt like failing to me), to Sora's older brother leaving to see the world, to my dad going out to the store one night for eggs and never coming back thanks to a massive pile-up in the parking lot—we had been through it all together.

We kept no secrets from one another and we were, in a way, each other's shrinks. Hell, I had even forced him to pay me for my "mental services", but that was only because he had been incessantly whining about how he liked Kairi. Still does, but he knew that, if he wanted me to care about his problems with her, he'd have to whip out some cash.

But, lately, Sora had become more of a riddle to me than he ever had been, before. Sure, he was a little weird when we met, and still _was _weird, but he just acted…stranger and stranger—especially around me. It was like he no longer trusted me or something. I couldn't recall having done anything to make him unable to trust me, but Sora had a fuse as quick as mine and sometimes snapped at the littlest of things.

Sometimes he would stare at me while we did our homework (or, I did our homework; Sora usually stared at me or out the window, but regardless I didn't trust his airy self to do our _graded _homework) and I would ask what he was looking at, and he would just shake me off as if I were nothing and return to gazing at whatever the hell he was concentrating on.

Not only that, but he was always worming his way out of hanging out with me after school time and time again. Something always came up and just so happened to be more important than me, his best friend.

Countless afternoons of mine were just spent on my bedroom floor, my homework spread all around me like spilled milk, but my pencil was unable to move and my mind was preventing me from thinking about anything but Sora. The stares and blank expressions that he gave and wore constantly, like a doll with a mask that was permanently painted on, and the secrets that he seemed to be keeping tucked within himself were probably the worst. Worry often overtook my mind as I dwelled on what could be troubling him to the point of leaving me out of the helping equation that, since meeting one another, I had always been a major variable of. Was he trying to woo Kairi—not that he needed to, she was already head over heels for him (though those blue eyes of his were too blind to notice that)—or was it something deeper? Were his parents fighting again about pointless things, and it was affecting him greatly? Or was it him simply just needing some time alone?

Surely he had had enough time to himself, though. This had been going on for weeks…

The amount of sleep that he never got, that showed clearly in the soft violet bags under his eyes, the shadiness of his persona and lack of interest in his person, showcased in his lack of showering and hair brushing, also really concerned me. Usually Sora was very…almost obsessive about his looks. He always took a shower at 8:30 P.M. and always made sure to pick out his clothes for the next day afterwards; not only that, but he always made sure to keep a hairbrush in his backpack in case his hair had too much static or if it was too wind-swept, or something—which he didn't carry anymore.

To see someone who's looks were always very pristine and clean, become someone who looked as if they couldn't give two shits about the way they looked was scary.

All in all, Sora was more important than my homework by a long shot. So what if I slipped up a little in a class or two? I preferred to have my best friend completely intact rather than pass my classes with top grades. Plus, what would these shitty math problems help me with later in life? What would these stupid literature books do for me? Almost nothing, I'm sure—I just try in school because my mother expects, and encourages, me to do the best, so I can get a good job later in life.

Or so I say.

"I should call him," I told myself aloud, raising my mechanical pencil to my mouth. The end parted my lips so that my teeth could clamp down on the eraser, which allowed my mind to work with a tad more flow. Not much, but a tad more. "Or should I walk to his house? If I walked to him, he'd probably just ignore me the whole time, or tell me that he had to go do something for someone, or something…"

With a grumble, I pulled myself off of the floor and dropped my pencil on top of one of my books nonchalantly before heading to my bed. I sat on it, ignoring the soft squeaks of my worn-in mattress, while I picked up my phone from its cradle. My fingers didn't allow me to press on the buttons as I went for them, though. Instead, I sat there looking stupid with the receiver placed to my ear, gentle beeping ringing into my being, with a rather blank face.

_Should _I call him? He might think that I'm being an over-reacting worry-wart—kind of like Kairi. I shivered softly.

_I _liked Sora.  
_I _deserved Sora.  
Not her; never her.

Don't get me wrong, Kairi was a nice girl and all and was ready to lay down and die for almost any of her friends, but she just…annoyed the piss out of me sometimes. She talked too much. Her voice was too high-pitched. The things that she said were really girlie (_overly, sickeningly girlie_) and seemed almost identical to something a seven-year-old would say. Her idea of "fun" was laying on the beach for countless hours, talking about life and how great it was, and doing hair and make-up. Did I mention she liked to play dress up, and _force _people to join her?

I just didn't see how she had a chance in Sora's eyes and I didn't. Sure, being a _guy _kind of hampered my chances with him, but so what? We got along so well and had for years. If me being a guy was the only thing standing in my way of being with him, then I'd be pissed.

I forced myself to take a deep breath as I told myself that I was going to check up on him. If not me, his best friend, then who else? Maybe I could actually get through that spiky, thick-skulled head of his and see what was bugging him. Sure of my motives now, I punched in Sora's house number and let the phone ring. I breathed out loudly as I leaned back in my bed, crossing my feet at the ankle, and waited for someone to answer.

_Ring…_

…_Ring…_

…_Ring._

"Hello?"

"Hey, Sora?"

"No, this is his mother—is that you, Riku?"

"Yeah, it's me," I said back, a slight smile on my face. "Is Sora around?" Sora's mother was an amazingly kind woman. She put up with Sora and I play fighting in her living room and even cleaned up afterwards when we forgot to. Not to mention the fact that, when my father died, she and her husband came over every other day to fill that empty void in our home with laughter and remembrance.

She also was a madwoman at cooking. The way she just cooked her food—no, _crafted_ her food—was so…just…wow. Sora didn't receive that gift, sadly. He was awful at cooking and knew it, but kept trying. Bless him for trying, but I wished he would stop. I wouldn't try anything that he cooked—_concocted _was a much better word—even if he did get better. He was just _that _bad.

"I haven't heard from you in forever! It feels like ages since you've been over at the house with Sora."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that…"

"Anyway, I'll go get him. He's in his room." Sora's mother's idea of "getting him" was not that of walking to his room and flat-out telling him that someone was on the phone for him. Oh, no. Usually she stood at the bottom of the stairs, or wherever she happened to be, really, and screamed his name until he answered her. Not that I minded much; my mother did the same thing to me.

And that's _exactly _what she did.

"What?" I heard someone groggily call back. My head perked up and my smile widened as I recognized the voice. Sora!

"Telephone."

"Oh, okay."

While I waited for Sora to pick up the phone, I stared at the ceiling fan as it churned overhead. There was dust accumulated on all of the blades but one, staring down at me nastily. The clean one, though, circled pleasantly about. It was clean because, last time Sora was over (a week ago, though it felt longer without his constant presence), he threw his jacket in the air and it got stuck on that blade. When the jacket finally fell down from being circled so many times, it came down covered in dust. The memory made me smile a little more.

"Riku?" Sora yawned.

"How'd you know it was me?" I asked, sitting up a tad. His mother hadn't told him it was me, and Sora had a habit of forgetting to check the caller ID.

"The only people who ever call for me on the phone are you and Kairi, and, considering that I just got off the phone with her so she could go to a dance lesson, I doubted that she'd be calling," he returned, somewhat monotone and tired sounding.

"Oh…" I mumbled plainly and wrinkled my nose, picking at a random belt loop that wasn't covered by my t-shirt. He had been talking to her? Great, just great. That made me feel a whole lot better. Right. "What's up? Where've you been? It's like every time we make plans to do something, you have to ditch."

"I'm sorry, Riku. I've just been busy lately…" he said back, grumbling into the phone. Where was all of his enthusiasm? Was he worn out from not sleeping as much as he normally did? I made a mental note to bicker at him about that.

"With what?"

"Stuff."

"…What kind of stuff?"

"…Stuff-y stuff."

"Wow, Sora."

And then he laughed softly, causing my smile to flourish once more.

"What can I say? I've got a way with words."

"Well, what're you doing this weekend? Are we watching that science fiction marathon like we planned?"

"That's _this _weekend?"

"…Yeah? Don't tell me you're canceling on me again. Dammit, Sora!"

"I'm sorry, Riku! I've just…got a lot of stuff going on. It's hard to juggle it all."

"And I'm the one item you've put down, right?" I snorted softly afterwards, rolling my eyes. Couldn't he put down Kairi?

"It's not like that, Riku. I'm just busy."

"Why're you so busy though? Seriously. I only see you when we're in school, and even then you're kind of spacey and you don't want to talk to me. Have you been getting enough sleep? You look like a wreck, by the way."

"Thanks, _mom_."

"I'm just…you've never ignored me for this long."

"I'm not ignoring you, Riku!"

"Seems like it! Like I said, I hardly ever see you anymore."

"Do you want to spend time together _that_ badly? I mean, if it means that much to you…I guess you can come over now? Hang out for a few hours…?"

"Really?"

"Sure. Whatever. Why not?"

"Are you going to ignore me?"

"I don't _ignore _you, Riku. I'm just…my schedule is full, and I…"

"Can't spare anytime for your best friend?"

"I'm sparing time now!"

"Just saying, just saying. I'll be there in a few minutes. Bye."

"Bye…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Thanks to those who've been reading and reviewing. (: I really appreciate it.

Oh, and by the way, I'm going to make some shit up. Haha. Roxas is going to be Sora's brother, just so you guys know and don't raise a brow when you're reading it.

Also, this chapter is a bit short. Phailllll.

Please read and review for this chapter, as well! Love you guys. (;

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As I walked down the stairs towards the front door, I wondered what going to Sora's house would have in store. We'd probably just sit there and watch TV, like usual. Only, Sora wouldn't really watch it as much as he would stare at a speck of dust on the screen and study it like the human race depended on it to survive. If he ignored me or stared at anything for too long, I was going to flip out and attack him, and beat this new, awkward Sora out of him so the old, weird Sora could come back. But…regardless of whether or not I beat him to a pulp, I would just be glad to see my best friend again and spend time with him, like we used to.

"Riku? Where are you going?" my mother asked, the newspaper that she was reading making a loud sound as she closed it. Her black eyebrows rose delicately behind her thick framed glasses and her green-blue eyes zeroed in on me. Despite her intense eye contact, her thin lips were curved in a quaint smile, like she knew where I was going, though she just wanted to be sure.

"Sora's," I said softly as I opened the front door. A draft of cool air crept in and pushed back my hair, tickling my shoulders in the slightest.

"You haven't been there in a while," she added before she crossed her arms above her messy newspaper, the gust reaching her and playing with her black-and-gray hair. I got my silver hair from her side, from her father in specific. At least I didn't have to worry about going gray later in life. It started some decent conversations, too. "You two doing okay?" The way she spoke of us was like she assumed we were a couple. It made a flush of embarrassment, and slight frustration and longing, rise on my normally barely-colored cheeks time and time again—and she knew that. There was always a teasing curl in her lips when she spoke of us, together.

"Sora's just being a little weird," I sighed and lightly leaned my weight against the door. From my spot, I peered down the street and studied Sora's house. It looked lonely in the center of his somewhat large yard, the sun shining down from the setting sky and casting a warm glow on it, as if to call someone, anyone over there.

I could also see, faintly though, the shore of our island. So many of my fondest memories were made there with Sora—and Tidus, and Wakka, and Selphie. Destiny Island was the perfect spot to sit and relax and just eat ice cream, or play in the water, or lay on the beach for numerous hours to catch up on sleep.

I hadn't been there in forever, and it was sad to see it off in the distance, looking equally as sad and lonely as Sora's home.

"Weird? How so? Sora could get weirder?" teased my mother. She knew just how weird Sora could be after he had spent the night at our house a few times. He'd eat everything and anything; he'd laugh really loud and playfully get defensive a lot; he'd talk about all of these weird alternate universes that existed inside his head. But she liked Sora, so she never really minded just how weird he was, or could be.

"Just…weird," I huffed. "I don't really know how to explain it."

_Weirder than normal; that's all I know,_ I thought.

"Oh well…tell his mother I said 'hello', alright?" she mumbled, and then she picked the paper back up. I guessed that she was giving up on trying to shrink me. Back when she was young and single, she was studying to be a shrink—but then she met my father and they had me, so she had to halt her learning. When I was old enough to go to school all day and be by myself sometimes, she went back to school—but she never went back to get her license to become a shrink.

Instead she became a pharmacist, since the hours weren't so demanding and she could work at the pharmacies close by. It was probably my fault that she changed her major (mainly because she only took jobs near the places that I spent most of my time at), and I knew she almost regretted not getting her license. Seeing as she tried to shrink me time and time again.

"Alright." With that I stepped outside and closed the door quietly behind me. I shoved my hands into my pockets and slowly began trekking to Sora's house, all the while staring at lonely Destiny Island. I could see and hear the cerulean waves loudly crashing against the golden, sun-kissed sand, and I could smell the looming and lulling scent of ocean water and assorted tropical plants. Faintly I could see figures moving on the beach, two of them. They ran and they played together, being loud and generally happy. They looked familiar but I couldn't place their body types—they didn't look like Tidus, or Wakka or anyone else that typically hung out at Destiny Island. Had someone else taken a liking to our island?

Then I realized it was just a memory of Sora and I playing there. The laughter blended into the sound of lapping waves and the images vanished into thin air.

I missed Sora, and I missed Destiny Island. Later I'd ask Sora if he wanted to go to Destiny Island with me, and just hang out there and lay on the beach like old times.

Maybe I would get around to begging him to share a paupu like I had wanted to do since I was thirteen—almost four years ago. At the time, I wanted to share one with him so we'd always be best friends, but as of two years ago, I decided that I wanted to share one with him so that, maybe, we would fall in love some way, some how.

I sighed sadly and stopped to see where I was, since I kept walking as I thought about Destiny Island. By the looks of it, I had passed Sora's house, since I was surrounded by a bunch of houses that I didn't really remember. Sure, they looked somewhat familiar because I was still in the same neighborhood (which I had lived in since birth, partically), but they weren't like my neighbors' houses, or Sora's neighbors' houses. So I looked around and noticed that Destiny Island was a great deal closer than it had been a few moments ago. I could even see the sand being redistributed by the playful waves.

Finally I found Sora's lonely house behind me and to my right. Another gentle flush rose on my cheeks and made its presence known. How embarrassing was that? Walking aimlessly passed Sora's house, my intended destination, because I was too busy thinking about the past and an island. Lightly I scolded myself as I walked back to Sora's house and down the walkway.

At the wood and glass door I range the bell, my hands still in my pockets. I bit my lip and rocked from my heel to the tip of my toes, eager to (really) see Sora and his family again for the first time in what felt like forever.

After a second or two, someone grumbled from behind the door and turned the knob. Then, lo and behold, there was Sora! He looked like a mess, though. His brown spiky hair was spiked up and out in all the wrong directions, his turquoise eyes were distant and bored and the bags underneath his eyes were even more prominent than I remembered them being.

He was still beautiful, though. No matter how messy and tired he looked. I didn't think Sora knew how to be anything but attractive, even when he wasn't trying.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice lacking his normal enthusiasm, like it did on the phone. He stepped out of the doorway and let me inside before closing the door behind me.

"What's up?" I asked him, slipping my shoes off next to the front door. The house smelled like amazing food like always, but it lacked that freshly cleaned smell that it usually had. Most of the time it just smelled like Sora's shampoo. Too bad it didn't look like Sora had showered lately, so that smell would just be a fragment of my imagination for now.

"Nothing, at all," he said miserably, his hands in his pockets as well. "So…what do you wanna do?" The tone of his voice was so…monotone. It made my nose twitch a little, since I wasn't accustomed to it. Where was his liveliness? Where was his loudness? More than ever I missed his incessant laughter and his crazy, half-baked antics.

"I was thinking that we could watch TV," I suggested, "or something like that. Maybe go down to Destiny Island? I haven't been there in a while, and I could use a good swim." Hopefully Sora wouldn't shoot down my last offer. I really wanted to go to Destiny Island—but with him. We didn't even have to swim; we could just wade and talk. Hell, we could just wade! I didn't really care.

"Uh…whatever you wanna do is fine with me." Sora nodded a few times and began for the stairwell leading upstairs. I gave him a quizzical look and I stayed where I was. Before I could ask where he was going he muttered, "Gonna get my stuff. I'll be right back."

"Alright." Once Sora was out of sight, I looked around and studied the hallway that I had been in numerous times. Everything looked the same, just like I remembered it being; like I had been over just yesterday. Not that I expected anything to change much, but Sora's father liked to remodel rooms time and time again just for the hell of it. He had a really creative side—must have been where Sora got his ideas from. I smiled as I thought about it, trailing my eyes over the teal walls and the wooden table against the wall. Above it was a large mirror surrounded by a black rustic frame, and below it rested a few magazines, discarded mail, a vase of beautiful purple tulips and picture frame.

The picture was of the whole family, Sora's father and his mother, Sora himself and then Sora's little brother, Roxas. They all looked so happy, bearing full-blown smiles showcasing white teeth. Sora looked especially happy. His face said nothing but pleasant things and his eyes looked like they had been sparkling when the picture was taken. He was so handsome…so lively…so Sora.

"Ready?" Sora called from the stairs. I looked up to meet his eyes, noticing that he had put on his shoes and grabbed a few towels. "Did you bring your trunks?"

"Nah…I'll swim in my boxers," I replied and felt my ears burn hot. If this had been a few years ago, it wouldn't have made me flush like it did now, but considering I had a major crush on Sora, I was a tad self conscious. Even though I didn't have to be. Frankly, I had a great body.

"You sure? I can lend you a pair of mine." That made me flush harder. My ears felt like they were going to burn away and ooze down my shoulder, or something.

"Yeah, I'm sure," I answered after a pause and a nibble at my lower lip.

"Then I won't bring mine, either," he mumbled, more to himself than anything, as he threw something (his trunks, I presumed) from underneath his towel and into the doorway of his room.


End file.
